Julie

My story starts eleven years ago. I had just got divorced and become a single parent, with two children aged eight and ten.

I was working full time for Harrods as a fashion designer, so I had very little time to give to my children – I always seemed to be travelling, life was chaotic, and we went through a succession of nannies. After the third nanny did not work out, I realised that something had to change.

I arranged with my head of department to change my hours to part time. That made life easier for a while, but my head of department was Dodi Al-Fayed, and in 1997 he was killed in the famous car accident with Princess Diana. Apparently his approval of my change in hours had been a personal favour which no-one else at Harrods was prepared to give me. Faced with the chaos of going back to full time work, I resigned.

I was not a Christian at the time, but I had begun to search for something spiritual. I decided to work part time elsewhere and to take a year out to do an MA. As a result I was much less busy; there was room in my life to think and reflect. After a party that Christmas Eve I went with some friends to sing carols at St Barnabas Church. I was completely overwhelmed by what I found there, and later came to realise that I had met with the living God. I signed up for an Alpha course* that evening and became a Christian shortly afterwards. This was 1998. I had remained single since my divorce, but within weeks of becoming a Christian, I met my husband through a church group. We were engaged in a matter of months and then married the following year.

One of the readings at our wedding was Isaiah 40:31 –
But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.
(New King James version)

Before the engagement, I’d started to develop what I would call a curious fatigue. Months after we were married the fatigue was no better and I was diagnosed with M.E. My husband had two children of his own, so at a time in my life when I was moving house and trying to adjust to a new family, I was virtually bed-ridden. Just getting up to go to the bathroom was a huge effort. The most I could manage in a day was to get some food ready for my family for the evening. Visitors became a huge task to the point that I would lie awake worrying about it. I was generally very tired, anxious, forgetful, and was sleeping badly.

I was like this for two years. I’m not sure now if I did have M.E., or if my fatigue was the result of burnout from overwork, stress and the trauma of the divorce. I do know that being unable to work was devastating, especially as we experienced financial difficulty due to the nature of my husband’s job. I felt terrible that I was at home instead of earning money. On top of that, so much of my identity was tied up in my work - I’d been a big career person; now I was doing nothing.

The whole time, though, even as I began to recover slowly, God was clearly saying, ‘Wait.’ Occasionally I would send off my CV but with no success, and I knew that he did not want me to work yet. I had to learn to trust Him.

My recovery took another four to five years after that difficult two-year period. Getting out of bed every day was an act of will. I pushed myself to do simple things which helped: a little walking every day, drinking lots of water, doing creative things, and spending time with people who were well. I also attended a group for women at St Barnabas called Oasis. We met weekly in small groups to share our difficulties with each other and with experienced Oasis team members, who prayed intensively for us. I realised that a lot of my anxiety was left over from my childhood. After praying through those problems, miraculously, I began to sleep again.

In all of this I was having to accept God’s timing, and to trust that who I was, and my value to God, had nothing to do with any job. It was useless to try to find work in my own strength as I used to; I had to allow God to guide me to the right job at the right time. I was learning faith and patience, especially patience, because it was a slow process and I was desperate for an income!

About two years ago, the daughter of one of the leaders at church asked me to design her wedding dress. I assembled a team of people I had worked with before and we created a beautiful dress. In the process, I realised that I was finally better. We had a great time - especially as my friend and her family were delighted with it.

18 months ago I had the opportunity to go to Romania, through a contact, to work with a charity for abandoned children. The charity runs a small craft and clothing business, as a way of preparing the children who are interested in employment for the outside world. The proceeds of their work are ploughed back into the business. During my visit I was able to begin teaching the children how to design and create their own clothes. I consider it to be the most important work I have ever done. I am planning to return to Romania in the autumn. I was astonished that God had given me, so unexpectedly, work that was both meaningful and precisely designed for my own skills and abilities. Since becoming a Christian the fashion industry had seemed a little empty, but this was work that changed people’s lives. I couldn’t even have dreamt up a job like this if I’d tried.

That was the start of God giving me work! Shortly afterwards two different friends from church separately asked my advice on clothes. One was a woman who had just had her third baby and wanted to find an outfit for a wedding – could I take her shopping? The other worked in television and needed help with her wardrobe and overall image. I went to her house, and without thinking, swung into designer mode. Both friends, who had not discussed this with each other, said, ‘Why don’t you do this as a business?’ but I dismissed the idea.

I only started to pay attention when a friend of mine, who I’d talked to about work (or lack of it), woke up in the middle of the night with the thought that I should be a style consultant. That was three separate people saying exactly the same thing. This last friend is a dynamic business woman; she started emailing me research she’d done on my behalf. I looked at it reluctantly. I had to agree that actually, it was a good idea that suited my skills perfectly. I began researching the idea myself, and in March I completed a three month style consultancy course. I now have a studio at home and I’m beginning to market my business.

The waiting for an occupation seems to be over at last. However hard it’s been, I’m grateful for the last six or seven years for learning how good God is, how completely I can trust him, and how much better his ideas are than my own. When I acknowledged that I was unable to help myself in the area of work, and I could only lean on him, he provided me with jobs that I could not have thought of myself - or in the case of the Romanian charity, even knew existed! I’ve unlearnt so much that the world had taught me about my identity and value.

Most of all, I’ve learnt to stop struggling in my own strength, and I’ve realised the truth of the reading from our wedding - that ‘those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles.’

Julie’s business, ‘Blaze Design & Image’, is growing even without much marketing. She has done private consultations, and lectures to a private girls’ school on ‘Personal Style and Presentation Skills’ for job interviews. There is a lot of interest in her work.