Caroline

One afternoon in mid-February something happened to my left knee. There was no accident or anything dramatic, but each time I got up from my desk at work my knee didn’t seem to work properly and it got steadily worse. By evening I couldn’t straighten my leg. I was in a lot of pain, and unable to walk without assistance. Over the following weeks I went to various hospitals, doctors, consultants and physiotherapists, but ended up with no diagnosis, ongoing pain and having to hobble round on crutches.
This would have been frustrating enough if it hadn’t been for the fact that I was about to get married to my fiancé Tim in May. Amusing though some suggested it would be, hopping down the aisle, or even being pushed in a supermarket trolley, didn’t feature in my wedding plans!

A month before the wedding my knee was no better, and my consultant recommended surgery to discover what exactly the problem was. The operation went well and the surgeon removed the tissue in the middle of the knee joint which had apparently flopped and trapped the nerves, causing much of the pain. By the time of our wedding I could walk unassisted and was able to walk down the aisle without too much of an obvious limp! However, despite the improvements, my knee was still far from fully healed – the joint was incredibly stiff and often wouldn’t move, I was unable to walk up and down stairs properly, I was unable to run or use the gym, and I could only wear cushioned shoes for minimum impact. I used to enjoy going for a run in the fresh air to clear my head and pray after a long day in the office. With the increased focus on worship at church I often wanted to kneel down, but was unable to do so. Many people had prayed for my knee and I had seen others healed of knee problems but there had not been a significant change in my condition. In my mind I was starting to accept the fact that my knee was as healed as it was going to get, and my lifestyle would be changed as a result.

At an evening service at church in mid June the leaders specifically asked those with joint problems to come forward for prayer. I was very tempted not to bother, as my knee had shown remarkable resilience to healing prayer! However I knew that there is no such thing as wasted prayer, and my faith had increased as a result of seeing others healed, so I responded. Wendy was on the prayer ministry team and she started by praying for my knee, but each time I tested it there was still pain and stiffness. Wendy then prayed more generally into my life with words which were clearly coming from God. There was a clear theme of stepping out for God, taking risks for Him, and Him blessing and guiding me as I did so. I left church encouraged, but still with a bad knee.

I got about 30 metres from church when I suddenly felt like running – I mean I felt as if I was physically able to run. I was cautious, so I started gentle jogging just in case it was too good to be true, and found I could comfortably run back home. I knew the real test would be the stairs. On the way to church that evening I had needed to haul myself down the stairs one at a time from our second floor flat, but now I was able to run up and down each flight of stairs multiple times without any pain or limping. Tim was at home, and with much excitement I dragged him into the stairwell of the block to watch me run up and down the stairs, before running back to church to share what had just happened! It felt like someone had poured a jug of oil into my knee joint and got it moving smoothly again.

Since that evening my knee has been fine, and I am so thankful to God. I can now travel comfortably around London, and even wear high heels. I have started running and going to the gym again (although God’s healing grace didn’t seem to extend to my fitness levels and stamina!). God has even blessed me by using me to pray healing into at least one other person’s knee.

I do find myself wondering why God let it happen… I think that struggling around London on crutches has increased my sensitivity to others who are less mobile. Being unable to look after myself also reduced my self-reliance and increased my dependence on God and on others. The best thing that happened though was when I was in hospital following the surgery. I spent much of the night listening to worship music and trying to pray. Feeling very drugged with an oxygen mask, tubes coming out of me and my mind wandering all over the place, I found it very hard to stay focused on prayer – when suddenly I heard what I believe to be the audible voice of God saying, ‘This is who I love.’ It was overwhelming to realise in that moment of absolute helplessness, where I couldn’t do anything or even focus my thoughts before God, that He would tell me out loud that He loved me for who I am - not because of what I could ever do or be.

Then the fact that my knee regained its mobility as I walked out of church seemed to be a prophetic picture of God wanting to mobilise me for Him and His Kingdom. To me it’s a beautiful illustration: in the moment that we choose to step out and walk with Him to worship and witness outside the church, He meets us, ministers to us, and His blessing flows through us as result. Praise God!