Emma

I grew up in a close, loving Christian family. My sisters and I saw a lot of my aunt and cousin, and we became very close to them - my sister Hannah especially has always been great friends with our cousin. Hannah once had a dream that our cousin had become pregnant and Hannah adopted the baby.

The dream seems to have been prophetic in part. Our cousin got pregnant at the age of 16, and had a baby girl called Asha. My sister Hannah was her birth partner. For a whole host of reasons my cousin found it extremely difficult to look after her child. She received a lot of help from her mum, and Asha lived with her grandmother for a while. However, when Asha was three she went into foster care. We were always aware of the difficulties that my cousin was having and so weren't overly surprised. We were all just very sad for both of them.

By this time I was 25, I’d been to university, done a bit of travelling, temped for a while and had just started working in the property management department of a local estate agents. I was also building more of my own relationship with Jesus.

When Asha went into care I started to think about adopting her, but dismissed it as a ridiculous idea. I was single and still living with my parents, and I assumed social services would think I was too young. My parents put themselves forward to foster Asha until my cousin could have her back, but social services felt it was better for Asha to be with a family on a permanent basis.

However, the thought of being Asha's mum kept coming back to me and in the end I said to God: 'I think this is you, so I'm going to go for it, and if it isn't the best thing for Asha please don't let it happen.' And that was when the whole process of trying to adopt Asha began. I was going to face some huge stresses in our dealings with social services, but I was always able to bring it back to God and know that he was in control. I didn't worry about whether I was making the right decision because I was leaving the final decision up to God, and I knew he'd make the right one!

Everyone was very surprised when I talked about my idea, but very supportive. My aunt (Asha's Nan) was very happy as she was finding the prospect of Asha being adopted outside of the family very hard. But she made it clear to me that if I changed my mind at any point, there would be no pressure or bad feeling. My friends wondered why on earth I was choosing to become a single parent, but knowing how stubborn I am, let me know they would be there for me. It started a lot of interesting conversations down the pub with my male friends about whether or not they would go out with a single parent! I was surprised by some of the answers! Most of my friends were a bit worried for me when I first mentioned it, but once they talked with me properly they could see how serious I was, and started to get excited about being honorary aunts and uncles!

The only negative response I had was from social services, as they seemed to think the family was in on some kind of a plot to keep Asha in the family whether it was the right thing for her or not. It took me six months to persuade Asha's social worker to put me forward to be assessed. In the end I had to go to a family lawyer who wrote a very snooty letter reminding them that everyone has the right to receive an adoption assessment regardless of the social worker’s personal feelings, and that did the trick.

The team I was referred to was very efficient and supportive and the assessment was completed in another six months. I attended four evenings of adoption training (where they paint the worst possible scenarios for you!) and a series of interviews which I was warned could get very personal. My family is very open about issues we have with each other so I didn't find it hard at all, but it did make me think of things I hadn't before. In the end my social worker said although she thought I was mad choosing to become a single mum (I think she was a single mum herself) she couldn't see any reason why I shouldn't put myself forward to adopt Asha.

I did sometimes feel scared and overwhelmed by the thought of suddenly being a mum (maybe no more than any other expectant parent!) but I kept remembering that the Bible says God will never give us more than we can handle if we give him control of our lives. I knew that if he let me adopt Asha it would be the best thing for both of us, and however hard it got, he would give me his strength to cope.

On the 7th April, a few months later, I found myself sitting in a room of fifteen people trying to convince them that I would make a good mum for Asha. I can't really remember anything I said at the panel, but apparently I seemed very calm and unfazed. It must have been God, because I felt so nervous I was getting light headed, and had a slight buzzing in my ears for the whole meeting. Then I had to wait in a room with a social worker while they made a decision. It was the longest fifteen minutes of my life. And the answer was… yes!!

Asha visited a couple of times and then moved in a few weeks later on the 10th May. She started calling me Mummy straight away which was WEIRD! We went to court to make the adoption official about a year after she first came to live with me, on the 25th May, and Asha hid under the table and wouldn't come out until the judge bribed her with a present!

In the beginning I found it very hard. Asha is as stubborn as me and everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) seemed to end in an argument and with both of us in tears. Social services said we would probably have a six-month honeymoon period while she settled in but in fact it lasted two weeks! I have had to rely on God for all my patience, wisdom and strength. But God definitely was and is in control of this little family. My relationships with Asha and with God are getting stronger all the time, though we still have our moments! He has been in control of a job coming up at the right time, having just the right amount of money to live on, people giving me cars (just when my old one conks out!) benefits working out (just in time to pay the bills!) childcare working out, being able to do the college course I'm doing now, and I know everything will be provided for us, just the right things at the right time.

Three years on, I feel so privileged to be Asha's mum and to watch her grow into the lovely young girl she is. She has quite a grown up sense of humour having lived with lots of grown ups all her life, and is very observant of what's going on around her - on a few occasions had to remind that me I'm driving the wrong way, or trying to unlock the wrong car! I do enjoy having an excuse to be a big kid sometimes, and my friends and family often tag along on a kiddie day out for the same reason. It's amazing how relatively normal everything is in our extended family. Asha sees her birth grandmother a lot, and her birth mum a couple of times a year, and although I know my cousin finds it hard, it’s getting more and more relaxed over time, and Asha always enjoys the visits.

Practically speaking I often think wistfully of the days when I could go out at the last minute without having to think about a babysitter, or lie in for as long as I want, or eat chocolate and crisps for dinner if I felt like it. But that is all stuff any parent feels. I think the hardest thing about being a single parent (adoptive or otherwise) is that it is lonely. My family and friends have been amazing, and my sisters and mum in particular have been there for me when I've needed a second opinion, a shoulder to cry on, or generally have a moan - but it isn't the same as having someone there who is fifty percent responsible in bringing up a child and there helping in day-to-day issues. However, a plus side is that you don't have arguments about which is the best way to do it. I'm quite opinionated and will probably find it difficult if I marry to compromise over issues with Asha.

If I had known everything I know now about being Asha's mum I would have still done it. When we are going through a rough time, and I am so frustrated and tired that I'm in tears, I just have to remind myself of what it used to be like and how far we've come. I am a great worrier now, and wonder where that laid back, happy-go-lucky person I used to be has gone! I often get panicky when I don't seem to be getting anywhere with her stresses because I feel like time is running out, and she won't want to spend so much time with me in a few years; instead she'll be looking for guidance from her friends - but I keep praying for her (especially to have Christian friends), and I know that God will hear me.