Sita

Growing up as a Hindu
I was born in 1947 in Livingstone, Zambia, to a Hindu family. My father was one of the first Indian business pioneers to come to Africa. He built up a big trading business in Livingstone, but unfortunately he passed away at the age of 56, when I was only 11.

My mother was a very loving, kind, religious lady. During my childhood, I followed her faith. So I prayed to various gods, fasted on holy days etc, but somehow I could not really believe that these things made out of mud, wood, metal could be gods. I had so many doubts in my heart and used to ask my mother questions that she did not have any answers to.

I found too many gaps and unreality in Hinduism. I did not believe in all the superstitions, like some days are supposed to be unlucky, and so on. I never understood concepts like (a) putting God to sleep and then waking him again; does God need to sleep? (b) Prasad (food offering); does God need food? Or (c) why creation is worshipped, like the sun, moon, plants, and animals, including snakes. Once when somebody had chicken pox we even had to bow down and pray to this disease as a Maharaj (god).

I also remember that when some ‘holy’ people visited Livingstone, we women were considered impure and were not suppose to go near them in case we contaminated their holiness. Those who served them had to take several baths. There were numerous other Hindu rituals that did not make any sense to me.

Deep down, I was searching for a living God. I distinctly remember one day praying to this Murti (idol), and being aware that I did not feel anything - no peace, no joy, no love. Shouldn’t I feel all these if it was a real God I was worshipping?

I questioned my mother about all these things and she got very cross. I think she was just carrying on the tradition. Nobody questioned anything - it did not matter whether it was the truth or not. I became a bit of a rebel as far as religion was concerned, because after a while I could not pretend. What is the point of carrying on praying when deep down you do not believe in it? It is pure hypocrisy. I am sure my mother thought, “What is going to happen to this child? She is an atheist!”

My only exposure to Christianity was when I attended a Convent High School. I remember feeling very moved when we studied the crucifixion of the Lord. One of my friends even tried to be a Christian but the whole town persecuted her. It was not acceptable at all for a Hindu to become a Christian. It was and still is regarded as a Western religion in my community.

A strong presence
In 1967, after completing my O-levels, I came over to England to train as a nurse. I became very good friends with a Christian girl, Abbi, who was in the same class as me and whose room was opposite mine in the nurses’ home. Now I can see that God was working in my life already; he knew I was searching for Him. Abbi shared her faith with me and talked about Jesus and how he came to this world to die for our sins. I remember thinking, ‘Me? A sinner? What sins? I am not a sinner!’ However, I did become interested in Christianity and wanted to know more and more. Unknown to me Abbi had started to pray for me. Our friendship deepened in the two years we spent together. I went to a Billy Graham Crusade with her – the same one, it turned out, where a certain Cliff Richard turned to Christ.

Not long after that I was sitting on my bed when I suddenly felt a strong presence with me in the room. I just started crying. I felt that this presence was full of tremendous love, but at the same time I saw my own heart, full of so many shortfalls, and perhaps even ...sin. I urgently felt the need to be right with God, so I rushed to Abbi's room, still in tears, and said, ‘What do you feel when God calls you?’

Abbi knew straight away what was happening and she helped me to pray and receive Jesus into my heart. I was immediately torn between joy and fear, because there were two other friends of mine from Livingstone in the nurses’ home, and what if they wrote to our community back home about me? My family would be so angry and upset. I decided to keep my new faith a secret.

Back in Africa
In 1969 when I had one year left of my training, my mother called me back home to get married to a doctor from Kenya. I was not to say no! I was still very young and not ready for marriage and the responsibility that comes with it. But I was obedient to my mother and brothers, as I was brought up to respect my parents and elders and never to challenge them. I asked my husband-to-be if he could wait just another year, but instead he said that I could finish my last year of studies in Nairobi where he was living. I was thrilled; but bitterly disappointed and hurt when after marrying him I found out that I could not, because I was not a Kenyan citizen. There was nothing I could do but get on with my life.

Nisha, my daughter, was born in Nairobi and soon after we returned to Livingstone, where my husband opened a medical practice. Life was very busy. I had two more children, sons; I qualified as a keep fit teacher and pursued various hobbies like gardening, macramé, knitting, crochet and sewing; and I played squash at competition level. I still had not told anyone about my faith for fear of being ridiculed and persecuted. I did not grow in the Lord at all as I did not read the Bible, and I did not have any Christian friends to support or nurture me. Abbi kept in touch and wrote encouraging letters, but after she moved house in 1976 we lost touch completely. My relationship with the Lord was not what it should have been.

There was one significant event in those years. In 1984 when my mother lay dying of cancer, I told her about my faith and shared everything I knew at that time about Jesus. She was very happy for me. In fact, she prayed to our Lord with me a few weeks before she passed away. It gives me great comfort to know that she is now with Him.

Enough playing
In 1987 we came over to the UK permanently. Having sent our children over here for further education I found I could not live without them. We bought a house in Harrow and I went to college and qualified in Practice Management in 1990. I got a job in a large training practice in Hounslow.

In 1993 we moved to Southgate. Just before our move I began to get this feeling that I should join a church. I think God thought that I’d had enough time playing and it was time to come home to Him! After settling in Southgate, this feeling got stronger and stronger. One Sunday I said, ‘Right. I am going to join a church today no matter what!’ (I should mention that I didn't have a clue about the different denominations.)

I went straight to the nearest Anglican church, thinking it will be nearby and convenient, but God had other plans for me because when I arrived at 10.00am there was nobody there. Something urged me to carry on further down the road so I arrived at a Methodist Church. Everybody there was so warm and welcoming - instantly I felt it was where God wanted me to be. The minister had even worked in Zambia, and after I joined the church he visited Livingstone and happened to stay a night in my former home!

I was baptized on the 11th September 1994, and then my life was turned upside down. My husband was totally against my conversion. His sole concern was our community – what would they say? He was going to be a ‘laughing stock’; he told me not to tell anyone ‘until he died.’ He did his utmost to prevent me going to church.

He persecuted me so relentlessly that I reached the point of thinking, ‘Have I done the right thing? Will I have to suffer forever?’ I used to go to one of my friends’ house from church and cry my heart out. I was in this big dark hole with no way out, feeling abandoned by God. But this time round God saw to it that I was not alone. The church prayed for me and offered their tremendous support. I also had solid support from all three of my children.

I now see this experience differently – I know that it was the enemy attacking me and trying to steal my joy. He left me well alone in Africa, as I was no threat to him then. Our God is a good God and I know He was with me during my suffering and helped me to turn a negative situation into a positive one. This time of persecution was actually making me stronger in my faith. I concluded that my community had no bearing on my faith. Should I be answerable to them? Do my joy, peace and love come from them? Should I stop believing in God just to please them? No!

Meanwhile a new minister started at our church, a lovely American lady who had spent twenty years in India and understood Indian culture. She was a pillar of strength to me. She helped me to grow in the Lord and encouraged me to speak in church and give testimonies. I joined a Bible study group and learnt a lot through these meetings.

Surprised by God
One day as usual I was complaining to God about my husband: if he changed everything would be all right. So I said, ‘Lord, he is so stubborn! I gave up my career for him; I did my very best for him and the family. I gave him my best in everything even though I was very young and inexperienced. Why is he so selfish and blind to my needs now? Do something! Change him Lord! Change him please!’

Suddenly God spoke in my heart and said, ‘YOU change! Love him as I love you, and forgive him as I have forgiven you.’

I was stunned and humbled at the same time. God emphasised this point again through Joyce Meyer in the God Channel where she described being in a situation similar to mine. She complained about her husband to God and He replied by telling her to do the same thing: You change!

I have since learnt that God will use any means to talk to you: the Bible, other Christians, and in your heart; but mostly through the Bible, so I knew then that I had to read the Bible more and live my life in repentance. I had to let Christ’s character develop in my life.

With the help of the Methodist Prayer Handbook to give structure to my Bible reading, I began to set aside devotion time daily, focussing on a one-to-one with the Lord. As I progressed, my faith grew stronger, and I found myself changing. The Lord got rid of all the hurt, anger, resentment - in fact all the negative feelings from my heart. He taught me humility. And as soon as this happened, God began to pour his blessings upon my children and me. He answered my numerous prayers - my biggest blessing is my granddaughter Serena! There is so much peace and joy in my heart now. My husband has noticed the difference in my behaviour, although he would not admit that it is due to my faith, and Christianity is still a sore subject for him. However, I firmly believe that God will soften his heart one day and touch him in a big way.

I have found that the closer you get to the Lord, the more sensitive and spiritual you become, and your priorities change. You begin to see everything in a new light. You begin to appreciate the beauty and the diversity of his creation. You become a caring, compassionate and forgiving person.

I still have a lot to learn but I draw strength from the fact that once you give your heart to the Lord, he never gives up on you. He is always with you. In fact he was working in my life before I even knew Him. Another wonderful thing I have learned from our Lord is that he never lets you point your finger at others. He gently reminds you to purify your own heart. You can never change people; only God can do that, and your joy does not come from people, it comes from the Lord. Giving my life to my Lord is the best thing I have ever done because I know I have nothing to fear in my life anymore. God is in control of my life and His promise is that he will never leave me or abandon me. What peace!