It's so clear to see how God meets us where we are at and is the source of joy. Like Sheila, whether life is going well or not to plan I still have that deep down peace and joy from God. I know what it's like to have everything - money, popularity, success, friends, family. I also know what it's like to have it taken away. Through the times I have had everything I have seen that they are not enough to give me that deep joy and peace. There is a bit of you that is 'you' regardless of what's going on outside. It's this bit we need to sort out.

I know that the place I find everything is in intimacy with God and in having the purpose of knowing I am doing his will today, rather than dreaming of the idealisation of a tomorrow and all I don't have.

God gives us everything we need. You know, God just wants to bless us. We keep messing it up by getting in the way, doing things our own way.

And as for singleness. In Genesis 2 God says it is not good for man to be alone so he brought a 'suitable helper' for him. This is often quoted in the context of marriage but I have always taken it as it reads, that it's not good to be alone. We were made to be in community, to reach out to each other with help, support or just to have fun. It may take a bit more initiating as a single person but there is often more freedom to do this too when single. And that does not let off those in families, there is huge blessing both ways by families opening out building community.

I agree with the comment on singleness and community!

I have just come back from a weekend in London staying with a friend who took me along to the Moment of Grace day and I attended the seminar ' Flying Solo ' in the afternoon. I just wanted to say how inspired I was by all the testimonies given that day, particularly that of Nicole, to which I could really relate. Thank you for sharing your experience - it has given me renewed hope and joy to face the coming days, weeks, months etc. in God's strength, knowing He will meet my every need. Although I was not married, I split up with my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years a few weeks ago, or rather he split up with me saying completely out of the blue that he did not love me ' in that way ' anymore and that he did not want to marry me. The pain of loss caused by a break-up is on the same scale, in my view, as that of a bereavement and is in some ways much worse - not only do you have the shock and the pain of loss but you also have the added pain of rejection and feelings of worthlessness to deal with. At least when a loved one dies, they haven't chosen to leave you. I have found that most people respond with glib comments like " Your better off without him " or "Plenty more fish in the sea ".... things that would never be said to a recently widowed wife!! I know that people are only trying to be positive but it was very refreshing to hear people talk honestly about the realities of the pain and sheer 'horribleness' of these times while still clearly showing that God's grace is sufficient for us in every circumstance. I know beyond doubt that my relationship with God has already reached another level of intimacy. I am falling more and more in love with Jesus with each desperate prayer and with each tear-filled night - and whatever the future might hold, I know that my relationship with Him is always going to be the foundation of my life. Thank you so much.

Hilary

Thaks for your honesty Hilary and for sharing your thoughts here - it's good to hear a bit about what divorce/break-up really feels like. I know a couple of people going through this and now I know what not to say to them. It's amazing to hear your faith in this situation too. Bless you...

Thank you Hilary for coming along. I am touched by your words and the perspective others have on how they deal with your break up. Yes it is a double whammy, you lose your loved one and they reject you too. And yes it would be so wrong of someone to say 'Your better off without him, there's plenty more fish in the sea' when someone has just died.

The fact is, God wants so much more for his children. But I believe his priority is not our happiness, though he cares about that. His first priority is to mold and shape us into his likeness and to complete his plans and purposes here on earth through us. The funny thing is, that as we yield to that, happiness, or is it a deep joy, seems to be a by product. Our perspectives change and we live for a new goal and a new friend that can never be taken away from us.

I know that this time that you are in now is very precious. This is your special time with God. It gives you a depth of him you may not have had without this horrible time. If you keep holding on to His hand you'll be able to let Him lead you on, through and out of this sad place, and still have that wonderful friend you've got to know in this time by your side for all the amazing plans and purposes He has lined up for you.